My mother is thankfully still alive, and I want to remember her life now instead of waiting until she passes on. I want to start my tribute to my mother with the reality of her life right now, and then digress to the past to show how it used to be. My mother is currently 77 years old. She was 34 when she had me, the "surprise baby", the last of 4. She has COPD, a progressive lung disease that is incurable. She wears oxygen through a cannula in her nose all of the time. Because of her disease, she gets out of breath easily, and therefore doesn't get out of bed much anymore. She takes what seems to me to be tons of prescriptions, supplements, and over-the-counter medicines and no longer participates in any of the hobbies she once had.
Our biggest goal right now is keeping her as healthy as possible so that she doesn't contract pneumonia again and end up in the hospital (again). She also has diabetes and heart problems. It makes me sad that the active mother of my memories doesn't seem to exist anymore. Thankfully, she still has her mental faculties, and enough resident stubbornness to remind me of days of old. I have begun to love engaging her in conversations about the past and the things she can remember clearly. I have recorded some of those memories in a notebook, which I have no doubt I will highly treasure someday.
My older sister, Linda, lives with my mother and father and works hard taking care of them. Just this past year, my dad's health and abilities have declined after having a stroke, so her work load has doubled as caretaker. She provides them all of their meals and snacks, and takes care of all of their personal needs. It's a great comfort that someone in the family can be their caretaker. My siblings and I try to help out as much as we can, but the vast majority of the responsibility falls on her very capable shoulders. We are all thankful for her.
As many of you know, it is HARD to watch your parents age and fall apart. When I think of how they used to be, it makes me so sad. It's a reminder to really enjoy our parents and family members while we still have them; to realize how important family is, and to believe that they are worth our time, energy, and financial investment. No, they aren't perfect, and yes they can aggravate you to death, that's for certain, but that doesn't negate the fact that they are our parents, and we should help them any way we can.
I was the youngest of four children. My closest sibling (Linda) was 8 years older than me, so I didn't really have them as playmates growing up. I remember playing Monopoly and Payday all by myself. I don't think my children completely realize how blessed they were to have built in playmates, because it could definitely be a lonely life at times. I remember demanding that my mother dye her prematurely graying hair because she was older than most of the other mothers in my kindergarten class. What a rotten kid I could be. It didn't stop her from occasionally making cupcakes and bringing them to my class.
Before I could drive, I HATED riding the bus (introvert to the max), and she would take me to school and pick me up each day. I bet she was so glad when I got my driver's license! I did various things through the years like piano, voice, karate, softball and basketball, and she was faithful to take me to all of my classes and games.
My grandmother (my father's mother) lived with us until she died. I was married and four months pregnant with my oldest at the time. I have always been so sad that she didn't get to meet my children, but I am glad that they will meet in Heaven someday. I loved having my Granny in our home growing up, but I never really considered until recently how hard it probably was at times for my mother to have her mother-in-law living with her for the majority of her marriage.
Even though my grandmother was usually kind and not terribly interfering like some mothers and mothers-in-law can be, I imagine it was still challenging at times to have her living there. And that woman being your husband's mother, who has a natural predisposition toward her son, would rub anyone the wrong way at times. However, I don't remember a lot of drama over this issue growing up. I give my mom many kudos for that! How many of us could successfully live full-time with our mothers-in-law?
My grandmother was a big help around the house while my mother ran the family moving company.
I suspect any negative feelings my mother may have had about having her mother-in-law living with her were overridden with the comfort of knowing we were being well-cared for while she worked.
When my mother wasn't running the family business, she was cleaning or working outside in her flower beds. I think gardening was how she relieved her stress from working at the office. Her yard bloomed and developed over the years under her care until they resembled something out of a magazine. Today, my sister Linda maintains all of the yard work, and although I am glad she enjoys it as well, I still get sad when I remember my mama puttering outside in her flowerbeds. She enjoyed them SO much.
She also grew a small vegetable garden every year, and preserved her extra harvest every year by canning. She taught me everything she knew about this, and I am thankful for that knowledge as I "can" my vegetables every year. My mother and my grandmother both cooked us full, homemade meals all of the time. They were both excellent cooks and bakers. Fried chicken, pork chops, baked hams and turkeys, mashed potatoes, green beans and the like filled my meals as a child. We rarely ate out like so many families do today for meals. My mother had to buy two carts of groceries when most of the kids were still at home. I don't remember ever having a frozen dinner (except for pizza when I was a teenager) growing up. What a blessing.
When I was a younger child, my mother and father enjoyed playing cards with their friends. They would have them over for games of pinochle and I would "hide" under the table while they played, listening to all of the grown up conversations. I like cards as well, but I have NO idea how to play pinochle or what the point of the game is.
Their love for getting together with friends seem to wane as I entered my teenage years, and the stresses of life and marriage started to intrude. I miss those younger days, and I dearly wish my mother and father would sit down at the table for a game of cards again with friends. I can hear my mother's unique cackling laughter in my head, and it always make me smile when I think about it.
Until I was almost grown, we had a lake property about 45 miles from our house. During the warmer months, we went there quite often. My mother often seemed to have a hard time relaxing, and even while at our lake property, I can remember her puttering with her roses and flowers, and cleaning and organizing her kitchen and the rest of the house. She took care of her siblings growing up, like their second mother, so she had an ingrained sense of maturity and responsibility that she had a hard time letting go of to have fun.
My other grandmother (her mother, Mary) lived within a couple miles of our house, and my mom would go over and clean and organize for her quite often. My grandmother was crippled from a serious car accident. When I picture my mother of my younger days, cleaning is most often what comes to mind. She was a compulsive cleaner and somewhat germophobic.. I like things to be organized and orderly, but I can tolerate imperfection with cleanliness more than she can. My other two sisters are more like her in this area, but they don't have four children, two grandchildren and three dogs!
During my first few years of marriage, I would take particularly tough stained laundry to my mother, and she always got them clean for me. She never seemed to mind; in fact, she seemed to delight in my trust in her knowledge and skill. I eventually learned to take care of these things on my own, but her help during my time of need was invaluable. However, I didn't call her for instructions on how to boil water like one of my sisters did. Hahaha, I told on you!
My mother helped finance some of the repairs on our first house during those early years, and she often helped out in that way when times were tight. Not only my husband and I, but other family and extended family members as well were on the receiving end of her generosity.
Before I felt convicted to stay at home with my children, I was attending college and working, and my mother was watching my oldest daughter for me. She often took her on shopping trips to buy new outfits or treats, and to ride the horse carousel at K-mart. She always had a wallet full of quarters just for that purpose. Needless to say, Alix loved her Maw-Maw.
She also cared for Jessie for just a bit when she was a baby while I worked. My children were well cared for and I never worried about them while she had them. In a way I broke her heart when God called me to stay home with my children because she was so attached to them, especially my oldest because she kept her longer. She didn't get to see them nearly as much once I started staying at home.
I never completely understood how she must have felt until Alix, my oldest daughter, and her husband moved off our property where they had been living for a year. I had spent large amounts of time helping to care for and feed my grandson, and became quite attached to him. When they moved to their own place and I didn't get to see him every day, it broke my heart a little (a lot). So, now I understand exactly what my mother went through when I stopped bringing them to her house to care for them. You understand that your children have to live their own lives and make their own decisions, but that doesn't change the effect on your heart at times.
My mother miscarried several babies, once having to ride in a sleigh through snow in North Dakota while heavily bleeding to a neighbor's house, so she could get into a truck to go to the hospital. So the fact that she ended up with four live children is to me a testament of her perseverance and desire to have a family. She loved to twirl up her girls' hair as infants, and as soon as my children had as much as a wee sprig, she would twirl it up on top of their heads.
She worked hard raising four children and simultaneously running a moving company almost by herself. She was an excellent speller, and would do computations in the air with her pointer finger. Now she can barely sign her name legibly, and it makes me sad. Thank goodness for the hope of Heaven and the joy of eternal bodies that don't age or die!
I feel like I'm leaving tons of information out about my mother, but I think this post is long enough. I am glad that I had a chance to reminisce about her younger and healthier days, and share that with you. I love my mother so much, and I hope the Lord gives her many more years before He calls her home.
If you would like to leave a memory that you have of my mother, please leave a comment, and it can add to the testimony of her life.
Blessings,
Debbie,
Life as the mother of four children and four grandchildren. Homeschooling the two still at home. Things that interest me - reading, herbs and essential oils, gardening, natural chemical-free living, and continually learning how to be a better wife.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Saturday on the Homestead, November 15, 2015
For some reason, it has been hard for me to get back into writing as much as I used to. Since moving to the country, I have stayed busy, so I can't blame it on being busier than normal. I guess it is probably just a season of inactive writing. It certainly isn't because I don't have anything to say, or lack of opinions on things. That's a big "LOL" to anyone who really knows me!
We are going to have a relaxed morning at home before jumping in to a little more productiveness. Jeff has a couple of honey-dos: tuning up our green Dodge that Jessie is driving, fixing a breezy window up in Amber's room, and shooting guns with Jessie.
Hopefully around 2:30 we will have a little time to listen to the 'Bama game, as we are developing an appreciation for college football this year.
Jessie has been going deer hunting, but hasn't gotten one yet. Amber is busy making waffles for breakfast, and Joshua will be working on putting gravel in the cellar. I have some painting to do, laundry (always) to get off the line, supper to make, and reading to do!
Jeff has some experiments going on in his greenhouse, since this is our first winter to use it. He actually has some green beans flowering, some pak choi doing REALLY well and it is so yummy, and a volunteer tomato plant still tall and strong, but with no blooms. We bought a wireless thermometer so we can keep an eye on the temperature in there. He still has some insulating to do to block some of the drafts we missed this summer, but it is still heating up well during the day.
Next Sunday we are celebrating Amber's 16th birthday. What?! My babies are growing up, and it is a bittersweet time. If I write a post next week, it will be dedicated to her.
I hope everyone has a blessed day and weekend!
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
We are going to have a relaxed morning at home before jumping in to a little more productiveness. Jeff has a couple of honey-dos: tuning up our green Dodge that Jessie is driving, fixing a breezy window up in Amber's room, and shooting guns with Jessie.
Hopefully around 2:30 we will have a little time to listen to the 'Bama game, as we are developing an appreciation for college football this year.
Jessie has been going deer hunting, but hasn't gotten one yet. Amber is busy making waffles for breakfast, and Joshua will be working on putting gravel in the cellar. I have some painting to do, laundry (always) to get off the line, supper to make, and reading to do!
Jeff has some experiments going on in his greenhouse, since this is our first winter to use it. He actually has some green beans flowering, some pak choi doing REALLY well and it is so yummy, and a volunteer tomato plant still tall and strong, but with no blooms. We bought a wireless thermometer so we can keep an eye on the temperature in there. He still has some insulating to do to block some of the drafts we missed this summer, but it is still heating up well during the day.
Next Sunday we are celebrating Amber's 16th birthday. What?! My babies are growing up, and it is a bittersweet time. If I write a post next week, it will be dedicated to her.
I hope everyone has a blessed day and weekend!
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Saturday on the Homestead (on Sunday) : September 28, 2014
It has been quite awhile since I have blogged, hasn't it? I guess I just needed a break from writing, although I have several things I want to write about. There is never a lack of action around the homestead, and we have been quite busy all season long.
Our flock of ducks has been greatly reduced due to illness, which makes me sad, as my favorite duck "Joe" was one of the victims. I miss that friendly guy. I think his mate has been quite lonely since he's been gone. Out of 13, we have 1 goose and 5 ducks left. It's a bummer.
I have been canning quite a bit this year. I have canned a bunch of medium to hot salsa, pickled peppers, tomato sauce, green beans, and some squash. Some people say you aren't supposed to can squash, but I have canned it for over 20 years and have never had a problem. We seem to do well growing beans, and usually continue to harvest them until first frost. I don't think I am going to work up any apples this year as we have several jars of apples and applesauce left.
Jessie has had a busy summer of work of various kinds, and has been gone quite often. I miss her but I am thankful for the opportunities God provided for extra money. Amber and Josh school all year, so we didn't have any dramatic back to school issues. We did take one week off recently, because I needed a break from correcting work to catch up on some other things. I have revamped Amber and Josh's school schedule to reflect the challenge of high school work. They stay VERY BUSY during the school week with their school work and chores. I have seen some maturing already from this new way of doing things.
We recently got back from the Shindig in North Carolina. I will be writing a post on the excellent teaching Michael Pearl gave on the Science of Addiction, so you can be looking for that. I don't plan to go quite as deep into the scientific detail as he did, but I will cover it enough to get the important points.
Today, we are going to eat my famous chip dip while we listen to football on the Sirius, and later we are going to grill and have a nice meal together. This morning, we had an excellent discussion on our position in Christ and how that alone helps us to overcome temptation and allow us to walk in obedience. Amber shared some insights from Romans 14 she gleaned as she has been studying that book. I love to fellowship with my children and my husband. There is nothing like it!
I could say so much more since it's been so long but I will save some for next time.
Sincerely,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Our flock of ducks has been greatly reduced due to illness, which makes me sad, as my favorite duck "Joe" was one of the victims. I miss that friendly guy. I think his mate has been quite lonely since he's been gone. Out of 13, we have 1 goose and 5 ducks left. It's a bummer.
I have been canning quite a bit this year. I have canned a bunch of medium to hot salsa, pickled peppers, tomato sauce, green beans, and some squash. Some people say you aren't supposed to can squash, but I have canned it for over 20 years and have never had a problem. We seem to do well growing beans, and usually continue to harvest them until first frost. I don't think I am going to work up any apples this year as we have several jars of apples and applesauce left.
Jessie has had a busy summer of work of various kinds, and has been gone quite often. I miss her but I am thankful for the opportunities God provided for extra money. Amber and Josh school all year, so we didn't have any dramatic back to school issues. We did take one week off recently, because I needed a break from correcting work to catch up on some other things. I have revamped Amber and Josh's school schedule to reflect the challenge of high school work. They stay VERY BUSY during the school week with their school work and chores. I have seen some maturing already from this new way of doing things.
We recently got back from the Shindig in North Carolina. I will be writing a post on the excellent teaching Michael Pearl gave on the Science of Addiction, so you can be looking for that. I don't plan to go quite as deep into the scientific detail as he did, but I will cover it enough to get the important points.
Today, we are going to eat my famous chip dip while we listen to football on the Sirius, and later we are going to grill and have a nice meal together. This morning, we had an excellent discussion on our position in Christ and how that alone helps us to overcome temptation and allow us to walk in obedience. Amber shared some insights from Romans 14 she gleaned as she has been studying that book. I love to fellowship with my children and my husband. There is nothing like it!
I could say so much more since it's been so long but I will save some for next time.
Sincerely,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Saturday on the Homestead: June 14, 2014
It's been awhile since I've felt like blogging. This spider bite wound has thrown me for a loop and gotten me out of my groove, so to speak. It has been 38! days since I was bitten by a brown recluse. I have an updated photo of the current progress, but I am going to hold off on discussing what we are doing for treatment because I am going to write a blog after it heals completely to hopefully help others who search for information on natural healing when they get bitten.
The wound is on the edge of my back, near my ribcage, and it makes excessive movement awkward and painful, so I have had to cut back on how long I work in the garden or elsewhere at one time. I can honestly say I have never had a wound quite so open and quite so deep before, and I hope to never have one again!
I have really appreciated the time that Jessie, Amber, and Jeff have given me in taking care of my wound for me. I can barely reach it, so if I were left to care for it on my own, it would definitely look a lot worse than it does. Honestly, after 38 days, it can be a little discouraging and wearying at times. There is not constant pain, but there is constant discomfort and occasional pain that can get tiring.
But on to more pleasant subjects! Our garden is doing well. Because some of my planting was delayed, we aren't getting any squash or cucumbers yet as some are, but we have harvested lots of salad greens including kale, swiss chard, endive, spinach, and lettuces. We have chives and parsley, and we have just harvested our garlic that we planted last fall. It has to cure for a few weeks, then we can store some of it in the root cellar. My kind brother-in-law, Alan, who lives on the property with us, has shared several of his squash and cucumbers with us already.
Our baby ducklings arrived at the end of May, along with Amber's two goslings, Precious Jewel and Hester Louise. Hester Louise is the boy, a fact I find highly amusing. The goslings have grown much quicker than the ducklings, towering over them as they spend the day together, but they are quite gentle.
We are having my grandson's 4th birthday party here next weekend. I am always glad for an opportunity for family to get together and celebrate something!
Jeff had to work for several hours today; he will be home around noon. My goals are to work for awhile weeding the garden and applying diatomaceous earth to some of my plants with a flour sifter. For garden tips, this one works very well. I also am going to clean out the closet in my living room (again!). Later, Jeff and I will be going to town to get Jessie's gun out of layaway and go on a wee date. Did I mention that I love that we love to date each other? It is highly underrated.
Jessie is still away in Alabama house sitting. Amber and Josh don't have any big projects to do today, so it will be a mostly free day for them. It is a beautiful day to spend outside.
I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend.
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
The wound is on the edge of my back, near my ribcage, and it makes excessive movement awkward and painful, so I have had to cut back on how long I work in the garden or elsewhere at one time. I can honestly say I have never had a wound quite so open and quite so deep before, and I hope to never have one again!
I have really appreciated the time that Jessie, Amber, and Jeff have given me in taking care of my wound for me. I can barely reach it, so if I were left to care for it on my own, it would definitely look a lot worse than it does. Honestly, after 38 days, it can be a little discouraging and wearying at times. There is not constant pain, but there is constant discomfort and occasional pain that can get tiring.
But on to more pleasant subjects! Our garden is doing well. Because some of my planting was delayed, we aren't getting any squash or cucumbers yet as some are, but we have harvested lots of salad greens including kale, swiss chard, endive, spinach, and lettuces. We have chives and parsley, and we have just harvested our garlic that we planted last fall. It has to cure for a few weeks, then we can store some of it in the root cellar. My kind brother-in-law, Alan, who lives on the property with us, has shared several of his squash and cucumbers with us already.
Our baby ducklings arrived at the end of May, along with Amber's two goslings, Precious Jewel and Hester Louise. Hester Louise is the boy, a fact I find highly amusing. The goslings have grown much quicker than the ducklings, towering over them as they spend the day together, but they are quite gentle.
We are having my grandson's 4th birthday party here next weekend. I am always glad for an opportunity for family to get together and celebrate something!
Jeff had to work for several hours today; he will be home around noon. My goals are to work for awhile weeding the garden and applying diatomaceous earth to some of my plants with a flour sifter. For garden tips, this one works very well. I also am going to clean out the closet in my living room (again!). Later, Jeff and I will be going to town to get Jessie's gun out of layaway and go on a wee date. Did I mention that I love that we love to date each other? It is highly underrated.
Jessie is still away in Alabama house sitting. Amber and Josh don't have any big projects to do today, so it will be a mostly free day for them. It is a beautiful day to spend outside.
I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend.
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Saturday on the Homestead, May 17, 2014
Day 10 of my brown recluse spider bite:
The affected area seems to have gotten a tiny bit smaller, as if healing may have begun. It is still an open sore, which is what forms after the expected blister breaks open. One thing I have learned is that these bites do not go away quickly, be they treated by doctors or at home naturally. Due to our faith in the power of essential oils and herbs to treat this particular ailment, I have elected to not have it treated by a physician. If at any time I felt like what we were doing wasn't working, I would go to the doctor as needed.
The good news is that it IS working; I have no apparent necrosis or infection. For those who doubted that God-provided herbs and oils are never as effective as going to the doctor, I am living proof that they are, if not even better at times. For those interested in our chosen plan of attack, we have been treating it with tea tree oil, lavender oil, oregano oil, and activated charcoal and wrapping me up with an ace bandage to hold another bandage in place. When Jeff is home, he treats it several times a day, and when he is at work, Amber treats it a couple of times a day. This path has been way less traumatic than having a doctor digging out dead flesh several times and taking massive doses of antibiotics and who knows what else.
The not so good part is that I have not been able to get very much done in my garden for the past week and a half, and I haven't been able to finish up tilling and planting my beds. To be honest, this has kept me fighting a dose of depression and feelings of uselessness. My children came to my rescue today and weeded the beds I haven't been able to plant, so at least they are looking better, which makes me feel better. Did I mention I love them and how they help out around here?!
Tonight, we are having spaghetti and homemade sauce that has been cooking in the crockpot all day, along with the Greek salad we love, to go with our family movie night watching Courageous. We love that movie. I hope you all have a marvelous and blessed rest of the weekend.
and Friday night date night with the love of my life.....
Blessings,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
The affected area seems to have gotten a tiny bit smaller, as if healing may have begun. It is still an open sore, which is what forms after the expected blister breaks open. One thing I have learned is that these bites do not go away quickly, be they treated by doctors or at home naturally. Due to our faith in the power of essential oils and herbs to treat this particular ailment, I have elected to not have it treated by a physician. If at any time I felt like what we were doing wasn't working, I would go to the doctor as needed.
The good news is that it IS working; I have no apparent necrosis or infection. For those who doubted that God-provided herbs and oils are never as effective as going to the doctor, I am living proof that they are, if not even better at times. For those interested in our chosen plan of attack, we have been treating it with tea tree oil, lavender oil, oregano oil, and activated charcoal and wrapping me up with an ace bandage to hold another bandage in place. When Jeff is home, he treats it several times a day, and when he is at work, Amber treats it a couple of times a day. This path has been way less traumatic than having a doctor digging out dead flesh several times and taking massive doses of antibiotics and who knows what else.
The not so good part is that I have not been able to get very much done in my garden for the past week and a half, and I haven't been able to finish up tilling and planting my beds. To be honest, this has kept me fighting a dose of depression and feelings of uselessness. My children came to my rescue today and weeded the beds I haven't been able to plant, so at least they are looking better, which makes me feel better. Did I mention I love them and how they help out around here?!
Tonight, we are having spaghetti and homemade sauce that has been cooking in the crockpot all day, along with the Greek salad we love, to go with our family movie night watching Courageous. We love that movie. I hope you all have a marvelous and blessed rest of the weekend.
and Friday night date night with the love of my life.....
Blessings,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Saturday on the Homestead, May 10, 2014
I woke up Thursday morning with an interesting small bruise on the edge of my back near my ribs. This spot became more and more painful as the day wore on, until I couldn't even sit back on it while sitting down. At some point that day, I began to wonder what in the world was going on, and then I remembered that I had taken a dead spider off my pillow when I made my bed. I hadn't really thought twice about it up to that point.
Turns out, I have been bitten by a brown recluse; one of the more serious spider bites you can have. The worst thing about it so far is the unending severe pain on that side, and the fact that it is in such an awkward place that I can't get comfortable enough to go to sleep. My family has been treating me with clays and essential oils every couple of hours.
I can't really get anything done around the house with the pain being so consuming, which is a bummer. I hope that it heals more quickly than the stories I have read, because I have a lot to do! And I miss taking care of my husband and family already, and it has only been 3 days.
I would appreciate your prayers for healing as we continue to treat this. I probably won't be posting much until I feel better.
Here is a current picture of my bite. I will update as we treat it and see changes. (The black spots are activated charcoal, not rotting skin!)
Blessings,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Turns out, I have been bitten by a brown recluse; one of the more serious spider bites you can have. The worst thing about it so far is the unending severe pain on that side, and the fact that it is in such an awkward place that I can't get comfortable enough to go to sleep. My family has been treating me with clays and essential oils every couple of hours.
I can't really get anything done around the house with the pain being so consuming, which is a bummer. I hope that it heals more quickly than the stories I have read, because I have a lot to do! And I miss taking care of my husband and family already, and it has only been 3 days.
I would appreciate your prayers for healing as we continue to treat this. I probably won't be posting much until I feel better.
Here is a current picture of my bite. I will update as we treat it and see changes. (The black spots are activated charcoal, not rotting skin!)
Blessings,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Sunday, May 4, 2014
For Married Men Who Love Their Wives
Obviously, from the title, this blog post is for married men. I don't normally target men specifically, but this was on my heart, and whatever God puts on my heart, I blog about. I have previously stated my desire and my heart to strengthen and uphold marriages through exhortation and encouragement. Through God's guiding and encouraging hand, my own marriage is blessed and hopefully His message can help others as well.
Good marriages don't just happen, especially in today's world. Daily attention and care and proactive thinking is a MUST for marriages to thrive and succeed. Men, I hope that you take this message to heart, because it can truly revolutionize not only your private, personal world, but also the relationship you have with your wife, and ultimately will bless your children as well.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that media takes extreme advantage of a man's God-given, visually driven nature. Not only the media, but the women who see the media and then adopt the visual presentation of the women they constantly see. In other words, we have lots of vamps and tramps running around, and bare skin abounds.
Men who don't restrict what goes before their eyes are bombarded daily with sights that a married man doesn't need to behold. This can be detrimental to marital expectations for several reasons; one being that the majority of women don't come close to resembling the airbrushed, hyper-sexual women of the world, so you are left feeling dissatisfied with the woman you already have. Secondly, if you are thinking about another woman, you are not thinking about your wife. If you are a Christian man in particular, your wife is the only woman you need to be thinking about and admiring sexually.
Your expectation can be raised by actively viewing and thinking about the seductive images around you. I would credit this with a lot of the extramarital affairs that are happening. After viewing hundreds of attractive images via internet, television, movies, Facebook, Instagram, or perhaps women jogging half-clothed on the side of the road, a man starts to feel dissatisfied with the imperfect woman that he already has, and thus begins the downhill slide to finding someone more enticing to engage, flirt with, and eventually sleep with - if not in reality, at least in thought, which makes you just as culpable of adultery as the act itself.
As a man, when you refuse to discipline your eyes and thoughts away from the tempting images around you, you will become more critical when assessing your wife, and she will normally fall short of the unrealistic expectation in your head. You will then start to pull away emotionally and sexually, and your wife will be left feeling dissatisfied, hurt, and unloved. God created you to be monogamous in every way, visually, mentally, and in real every day life. Something will remain missing in the intimacy of your marriage as long as you allow yourself to roam in any way.
If the issues are not addressed, affairs and/or divorce will ensue. That is why it is of the utmost importance that you realize that you are in a war for your very SOUL and your MARRIAGE. Indulging your flesh is never worth the ultimate consequences, and disciplining your flesh is always worth the blessing of a renewed mind and marriage.
And your mind CAN be renewed if you have been indulging in things you shouldn't. The Bible instructs us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. So when an inappropriate thought pops into your head, replace it with thoughts of your wife or thoughts of God. Speak truth to yourself. Speak scripture to yourself. When you have worked on retraining your mind, it will become easier to be obedient.
One would almost think that affairs and divorce are unavoidable these days, but I absolutely disagree. A person could also think that due to society men don't really have a choice about running around in a perpetual state of lust. With this, I also firmly and resolutely disagree, because scripture tells us differently We are commanded to take every thought captive and make it obedient to His word. That means it CAN and SHOULD be done every minute of every day.
I realize that with any seductive image or live person, a man will have an automatic, physical desire to look further and even to lust. At this point, a man can (and should) choose to bounce his eyes away and refocus his thoughts on something acceptable. He could even immediately call his wife and engage her in conversation.
My husband has stated that he would even go so far as to switch lanes at a gas station or grocery store if he feels that it would be too difficult to focus elsewhere. This is an example of the pro-active measures that should be taken to help you on your journey to renewing your mind and placing hedges around yourself to help avoid temptation.
Duck Dynasty brother Alan uses what he calls the "'notice-dismiss" method. When something passes your vision that you can't help but see because you aren't blind, you immediately and purposefully dismiss it - visually, by looking away, and mentally, by deliberately thinking something Godly. One male pastor stated that he prays for that woman's salvation as well.
As believers, it is important to understand that each of those immodest women have eternal souls, and are probably dressing to get attention either because they are very insecure about themselves, because they have been trained from a young age to believe that her body is what makes her valuable, or are actually an instrument of Satan to get you to stumble.
A man who truly desires to not fall into this potential affair-laden (again, either physical or mental) trap will be willing to go to extreme measures to ensure that he doesn't, even if like Joseph of the Bible you have to FLEE. Sometimes this is actually the wisest option. And this, men, is how you can begin to rejuvenate and protect yourself and your marriage from destruction. Because the lust game may be temporarily pleasurable, but it never ends well. Like never.
And if you end up with the person you lusted after and dabbled with, guess what? They are imperfect humans too, and they will age, get wrinkles, warts, moles, gain weight, get gray hair, or be extremely hateful, jealous, money hungry, or angry. Then you will have to move on to your next "perfectly sexy" person, and the cycle will never end, and your soul will never be satisfied. Because sex outside of the sanctity of marriage is just that - an empty, fleeting pleasure that will not leave you satisfied.
If you would never have an actual, physical affair, but you don't mind indulging your flesh by feasting on the tempting images around you, be they real people or digital images, you are still violating the trust your wife should be able to have in you, whether she ever knows about it or not.
Just as a person can say "no, thanks" to something offered to them that he doesn't need or want, you can say a resounding "NO!" to giving in to lust and becoming just another typical perpetually- aroused male, knowing that there is a greater reward to a cleansed mind focused SOLELY on your wife. You will be surprised just how desirable and attractive she becomes when you commit to being a one-woman man, in thought and deed.
This is a message many women want their men to hear. Our hearts cry out for you to desire us only. We don't want to believe the lie that "men will be men." Because we know that it really is a lie, and a very convenient excuse for men to do what they want.
You may not know any men who are obedient in this area, so you may think it simply isn't possible. There are men like this, because we know some, and I am married to one. He wasn't always that way, but he has become obedient to God in that area. It can be done, if you are willing to begin the process of self-discipline, denying your flesh, and placing purposeful hedges around yourself by not allowing yourself access to areas that cause you to stumble.
Know your weaknesses and avoid troublesome habits, places, or people that bring out those weaknesses. If Facebook causes you to stumble, only Facebook around your wife or stop Facebooking. Same strategy applies to everything else that tempts you the most. Jesus told us to be SEVERE in our strategies to rein in our flesh and sin.
You can be the reason your marriage survives rather than fails. The heart and trust of a wife is worth far more than any fleeting pleasure. Start your walk of obedience in these areas today. Your mind will thank you. Your soul will thank you. Your wife will thank you and she will rejoice in a man that has eyes for her only, and will love you unguardedly in return.
Please share this with someone who needs it.
Blessings on you and your marriage,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
Good marriages don't just happen, especially in today's world. Daily attention and care and proactive thinking is a MUST for marriages to thrive and succeed. Men, I hope that you take this message to heart, because it can truly revolutionize not only your private, personal world, but also the relationship you have with your wife, and ultimately will bless your children as well.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that media takes extreme advantage of a man's God-given, visually driven nature. Not only the media, but the women who see the media and then adopt the visual presentation of the women they constantly see. In other words, we have lots of vamps and tramps running around, and bare skin abounds.
Men who don't restrict what goes before their eyes are bombarded daily with sights that a married man doesn't need to behold. This can be detrimental to marital expectations for several reasons; one being that the majority of women don't come close to resembling the airbrushed, hyper-sexual women of the world, so you are left feeling dissatisfied with the woman you already have. Secondly, if you are thinking about another woman, you are not thinking about your wife. If you are a Christian man in particular, your wife is the only woman you need to be thinking about and admiring sexually.
Your expectation can be raised by actively viewing and thinking about the seductive images around you. I would credit this with a lot of the extramarital affairs that are happening. After viewing hundreds of attractive images via internet, television, movies, Facebook, Instagram, or perhaps women jogging half-clothed on the side of the road, a man starts to feel dissatisfied with the imperfect woman that he already has, and thus begins the downhill slide to finding someone more enticing to engage, flirt with, and eventually sleep with - if not in reality, at least in thought, which makes you just as culpable of adultery as the act itself.
As a man, when you refuse to discipline your eyes and thoughts away from the tempting images around you, you will become more critical when assessing your wife, and she will normally fall short of the unrealistic expectation in your head. You will then start to pull away emotionally and sexually, and your wife will be left feeling dissatisfied, hurt, and unloved. God created you to be monogamous in every way, visually, mentally, and in real every day life. Something will remain missing in the intimacy of your marriage as long as you allow yourself to roam in any way.
If the issues are not addressed, affairs and/or divorce will ensue. That is why it is of the utmost importance that you realize that you are in a war for your very SOUL and your MARRIAGE. Indulging your flesh is never worth the ultimate consequences, and disciplining your flesh is always worth the blessing of a renewed mind and marriage.
And your mind CAN be renewed if you have been indulging in things you shouldn't. The Bible instructs us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. So when an inappropriate thought pops into your head, replace it with thoughts of your wife or thoughts of God. Speak truth to yourself. Speak scripture to yourself. When you have worked on retraining your mind, it will become easier to be obedient.
One would almost think that affairs and divorce are unavoidable these days, but I absolutely disagree. A person could also think that due to society men don't really have a choice about running around in a perpetual state of lust. With this, I also firmly and resolutely disagree, because scripture tells us differently We are commanded to take every thought captive and make it obedient to His word. That means it CAN and SHOULD be done every minute of every day.
I realize that with any seductive image or live person, a man will have an automatic, physical desire to look further and even to lust. At this point, a man can (and should) choose to bounce his eyes away and refocus his thoughts on something acceptable. He could even immediately call his wife and engage her in conversation.
My husband has stated that he would even go so far as to switch lanes at a gas station or grocery store if he feels that it would be too difficult to focus elsewhere. This is an example of the pro-active measures that should be taken to help you on your journey to renewing your mind and placing hedges around yourself to help avoid temptation.
Duck Dynasty brother Alan uses what he calls the "'notice-dismiss" method. When something passes your vision that you can't help but see because you aren't blind, you immediately and purposefully dismiss it - visually, by looking away, and mentally, by deliberately thinking something Godly. One male pastor stated that he prays for that woman's salvation as well.
As believers, it is important to understand that each of those immodest women have eternal souls, and are probably dressing to get attention either because they are very insecure about themselves, because they have been trained from a young age to believe that her body is what makes her valuable, or are actually an instrument of Satan to get you to stumble.
A man who truly desires to not fall into this potential affair-laden (again, either physical or mental) trap will be willing to go to extreme measures to ensure that he doesn't, even if like Joseph of the Bible you have to FLEE. Sometimes this is actually the wisest option. And this, men, is how you can begin to rejuvenate and protect yourself and your marriage from destruction. Because the lust game may be temporarily pleasurable, but it never ends well. Like never.
And if you end up with the person you lusted after and dabbled with, guess what? They are imperfect humans too, and they will age, get wrinkles, warts, moles, gain weight, get gray hair, or be extremely hateful, jealous, money hungry, or angry. Then you will have to move on to your next "perfectly sexy" person, and the cycle will never end, and your soul will never be satisfied. Because sex outside of the sanctity of marriage is just that - an empty, fleeting pleasure that will not leave you satisfied.
If you would never have an actual, physical affair, but you don't mind indulging your flesh by feasting on the tempting images around you, be they real people or digital images, you are still violating the trust your wife should be able to have in you, whether she ever knows about it or not.
Just as a person can say "no, thanks" to something offered to them that he doesn't need or want, you can say a resounding "NO!" to giving in to lust and becoming just another typical perpetually- aroused male, knowing that there is a greater reward to a cleansed mind focused SOLELY on your wife. You will be surprised just how desirable and attractive she becomes when you commit to being a one-woman man, in thought and deed.
This is a message many women want their men to hear. Our hearts cry out for you to desire us only. We don't want to believe the lie that "men will be men." Because we know that it really is a lie, and a very convenient excuse for men to do what they want.
You may not know any men who are obedient in this area, so you may think it simply isn't possible. There are men like this, because we know some, and I am married to one. He wasn't always that way, but he has become obedient to God in that area. It can be done, if you are willing to begin the process of self-discipline, denying your flesh, and placing purposeful hedges around yourself by not allowing yourself access to areas that cause you to stumble.
Know your weaknesses and avoid troublesome habits, places, or people that bring out those weaknesses. If Facebook causes you to stumble, only Facebook around your wife or stop Facebooking. Same strategy applies to everything else that tempts you the most. Jesus told us to be SEVERE in our strategies to rein in our flesh and sin.
You can be the reason your marriage survives rather than fails. The heart and trust of a wife is worth far more than any fleeting pleasure. Start your walk of obedience in these areas today. Your mind will thank you. Your soul will thank you. Your wife will thank you and she will rejoice in a man that has eyes for her only, and will love you unguardedly in return.
Please share this with someone who needs it.
Blessings on you and your marriage,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs
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