For Married Men Who Love Their Wives

Obviously, from the title, this blog post is for married men.  I don't normally target men specifically, but this was on my heart, and whatever God puts on my heart, I blog about.  I have previously stated my desire and my heart to strengthen and uphold marriages through exhortation and encouragement.  Through God's guiding and encouraging hand, my own marriage is blessed and hopefully His message can help others as well.

Good marriages don't just happen, especially in today's world.  Daily attention and care and proactive thinking is a MUST for marriages to thrive and succeed.  Men, I hope that you take this message to heart, because it can truly revolutionize not only your private, personal world, but also the relationship you have with your wife, and ultimately will bless your children as well. 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that media takes extreme advantage of a man's God-given, visually driven nature.  Not only the media, but the women who see the media and then adopt the visual presentation of the women they constantly see.  In other words, we have lots of vamps and tramps running around, and bare skin abounds.

Men who don't restrict what goes before their eyes are bombarded daily with sights that a married man doesn't need to behold.  This can be detrimental to marital expectations for several reasons; one being that the majority of women don't come close to resembling the airbrushed, hyper-sexual women of the world, so you are left feeling dissatisfied with the woman you already have.  Secondly, if you are thinking about another woman, you are not thinking about your wife.  If you are a Christian man in particular, your wife is the only woman you need to be thinking about and admiring sexually.

Your expectation can be raised by actively viewing and thinking about the seductive images around you.  I would credit this with a lot of the extramarital affairs that are happening.  After viewing hundreds of attractive images via internet, television, movies, Facebook, Instagram, or perhaps women jogging half-clothed on the side of the road, a man starts to feel dissatisfied with the imperfect woman that he already has, and thus begins the downhill slide to finding someone more enticing to engage, flirt with, and eventually sleep with - if not in reality, at least in thought, which makes you just as culpable of adultery as the act itself.

As a man, when you refuse to discipline your eyes and thoughts away from the tempting images around you, you will become more critical when assessing your wife, and she will normally fall short of the unrealistic expectation in your head.  You will then start to pull away emotionally and sexually, and your wife will be left feeling dissatisfied, hurt, and unloved.   God created you to be monogamous in every way, visually, mentally, and in real every day life.  Something will remain missing in the intimacy of your marriage as long as you allow yourself to roam in any way.

If the issues are not addressed, affairs and/or divorce will ensue.   That is why it is of the utmost importance that you realize that you are in a war for your very SOUL and your MARRIAGE.  Indulging your flesh is never worth the ultimate consequences, and disciplining your flesh is always worth the blessing of a renewed mind and marriage.

And your mind CAN be renewed if you have been indulging in things you shouldn't.  The Bible instructs us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.  So when an inappropriate thought pops into your head, replace it with thoughts of your wife or thoughts of God.  Speak truth to yourself.  Speak scripture to yourself.  When you have worked on retraining your mind, it will become easier to be obedient.

One would almost think that affairs and divorce are unavoidable these days, but I absolutely disagree.  A person could also think that due to society men don't really have a choice about running around in a perpetual state of lust.  With this, I also firmly and resolutely disagree, because scripture tells us differently  We are commanded to take every thought captive and make it obedient to His word.  That means it CAN and SHOULD be done every minute of every day.

I realize that with any seductive image or live person, a man will have an automatic, physical desire to look further and even to lust.  At this point, a man can  (and should) choose to bounce his eyes away and refocus his thoughts on something acceptable.  He could even immediately call his wife and engage her in conversation. 

My husband has stated that he would even go so far as to switch lanes at a gas station or grocery store if he feels that it would be too difficult to focus elsewhere.  This is an example of the pro-active measures that should be taken to help you on your journey to renewing your mind and placing hedges around yourself to help avoid temptation.

Duck Dynasty brother Alan uses what he calls the "'notice-dismiss" method.  When something passes your vision that you can't help but see because you aren't blind, you immediately and purposefully dismiss it - visually, by looking away, and mentally, by deliberately thinking something Godly.  One male pastor stated that he prays for that woman's salvation as well. 

As believers, it is important to understand that each of those immodest women have eternal souls, and are probably dressing to get attention either because they are very insecure about themselves, because they have been trained from a young age to believe that her body is what makes her valuable, or are actually an instrument of Satan to get you to stumble. 

A man who truly desires to not fall into this potential affair-laden (again, either physical or mental) trap will be willing to go to extreme measures to ensure that he doesn't, even if like Joseph of the Bible you have to FLEE.  Sometimes this is actually the wisest option.  And this, men, is how you can begin to rejuvenate and protect yourself and your marriage from destruction.  Because the lust game may be temporarily pleasurable, but it never ends well.  Like never.

And if you end up with the person you lusted after and dabbled with, guess what?  They are imperfect humans too, and they will age, get wrinkles, warts, moles, gain weight, get gray hair, or be extremely hateful, jealous, money hungry, or angry.  Then you will have to move on to your next "perfectly sexy" person, and the cycle will never end, and your soul will never be satisfied.  Because sex outside of the sanctity of marriage is just that - an empty, fleeting pleasure that will not leave you satisfied.

If you would never have an actual, physical affair, but you don't mind indulging your flesh by feasting on the tempting images around you, be they real people or digital images, you are still violating the trust your wife should be able to have in you, whether she ever knows about it or not. 

Just as a person can say "no, thanks" to something offered to them that he doesn't need or want, you can say a resounding "NO!" to giving in to lust and becoming just another typical perpetually- aroused male, knowing that there is a greater reward to a cleansed mind focused SOLELY on your wife.  You will be surprised just how desirable and attractive she becomes when you commit to being a one-woman man, in thought and deed.

This is a message many women want their men to hear.  Our hearts cry out for you to desire us only.  We don't want to believe the lie that "men will be men."  Because we know that it really is a lie, and a very convenient excuse for men to do what they want.

You may not know any men who are obedient in this area, so you may think it simply isn't possible.  There are men like this, because we know some, and I am married to one.  He wasn't always that way, but he has become obedient to God in that area.  It can be done, if you are willing to begin the process of self-discipline, denying your flesh, and placing purposeful hedges around yourself by not allowing yourself access to areas that cause you to stumble.

Know your weaknesses and avoid troublesome habits, places, or people that bring out those weaknesses.  If Facebook causes you to stumble, only Facebook around your wife or stop Facebooking.  Same strategy applies to everything else that tempts you the most.  Jesus told us to be SEVERE in our strategies to rein in our flesh and sin.

You can be the reason your marriage survives rather than fails.  The heart and trust of a wife is worth far more than any fleeting pleasure.  Start your walk of obedience in these areas today.  Your mind will thank you.  Your soul will thank you.  Your wife will thank you and she will rejoice in a man that has eyes for her only, and will love you unguardedly in return. 

Please share this with someone who needs it.

Blessings on you and your marriage,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs