Where Modest Meets HOT?

I have thought a lot about the subject of modesty.  I have read articles, books, and blogs on the subject of modesty.  I have considered, reconsidered, and re-reconsidered how and what I think about this subject.  It can actually be quite complicated.  However, for Christian women at least, I think there should definitely be some standards we all adhere to.   Other areas seem to be more debatable and self-determinable.

One of the areas I think we should all agree on is being properly covered, and quite modestly attired while in church or church-related activities.  Scripture actually addresses this: " In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;   But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works."

Women especially should take care to have everything covered, including that ever-so-popular top of the breast and space in between.  Sexy, tight jeans or pants that perfectly showcase our shapely derriers and tight, short little dresses or skirts can distract the men behind us, even causing them to lust, and that is why scripture commands us to be modest in church.

I personally know the struggles men can have in church, because I have a husband who has conversed with me on the subject and a teenage son in the throes of puberty.  My son, especially, has shared some things that have caused his conscience grief while in church.  Men can't all sit on the front row, so that there is nothing in front of them that their eyes can see.  That is why we must be aware of their temptations, and be respectful with our actions.

We should care about them, instead of the careless attitude I have oft heard repeated that it isn't our fault what sexual things men think of us;  that it is all their responsibility.  It is their responsibility what they do with the thoughts created by what they see.  But we shouldn't be creating those thoughts for them to have to fight in church.  We should all take care to be modest, so the guys can focus on God.

 Even if it isn't normally the way we dress, I think we should buy clothing that is quite modest (it can still be cute!) for church.  If we don't care about this, we are saying that our brothers in Christ are unimportant, and also that it doesn't matter what the Bible says on the subject.  I really don't think there should be a lot of room for argument on this one.  Our focus as we prepare for church shouldn't be how sexy, cute, or whatever we can look.  I think most of us know that men are visually driven, and it isn't kind to those who are actually trying to walk in obedience in that area to tempt them.  I sure don't want to be a stumbling block to someone in church.

But what about when we are not in church?  What about when we are out running errands, at the office, or out on a date?  Should there be a standard of modesty at all for these times?  What if our husbands prefer us to dress less modestly for dates?  Now that's a GOOD question, and one that we should answer for ourselves with prayer and consideration, and from talking with our spouses.

I don't think there is one right answer to those questions, but I am going to attempt to convey my current conclusions on the subject, along with some of my past thoughts.  I have a husband who likes me to dress more sexily on dates than I dress normally.  By sexily, I mean my dress or skirt is shorter than I wear when I am out without him (if my dress is not long, I always wear leggings or something underneath), but not as short as some people seem to wear on a regular basis.   I do it to please my man, and it is what he prefers.

 All men have something that they naturally find attractive and sexy.  We are wise to try to do those things to the best of our abilities.   If my husband is naturally attracted to certain things, and if I don't do them, then I increase the probability that someone else doing those things is going to catch his eye.  I look at it as another form of putting a hedge around my marriage, and a way of honoring my husband's wishes.  This works for me, and my conscience is clear when I do it.  

I have thought a lot about this, and I do have lines I won't cross even for a date (I don't like my breasts showing at all, and I want to be able to sit down and get up without flashing everybody).   I think as Christian women we should have minimum standards of modesty, regardless of what situation we are in.  We should be mindful of the stumbling block we can be to those around us, and we should protect our reputations and our witness when we are out and about, whether at work or play.   Especially when our spouses aren't with us, I think we should err on the side of keeping stuff well covered.  We can be stylish and attractive without things being overly short or overly tight.  It's not a matter of being ashamed of our figures, but a matter of showcasing them in an attractive, feminine, and modest manner, as opposed to inviting men to think of us sexually who aren't our spouse, or who aren't our future spouse (for those unmarried ladies). 

A disclaimer I like to add when giving the "stumbling block" answer, is that no matter what we do, we are going to offend someone.  I am fairly modest, but I may offend someone who is extremely modest, especially if I am on a date.  I wear dresses and skirts a lot, but I do wear jeans out as well, which I know offends some who believe we should always be in skirts or dresses.   We can't please everyone with everything that we do in our Christian walk, because there are always people who are more conservative, and sometimes more legalistic than we are.  That is where prayer, and careful consideration with a modest and humble heart comes in.
 
One thing I don't think Christians have any business wearing are bikinis (unless in private with our spouses with no one else around).  Basically, bra and panties made with outerwear material.  I know it is commonly accepted, but I personally think people should rethink it.  Check out this four minute video by a man who has given his thoughts on the subject.  Who better to hear from than those who are most affected by it?  There are companies who sell modest swimwear that are super cute, like this one and this one.  (Not affiliate links, I just like their products.)  I think this subject is worth a "rethink" and a willingness to be different from the acceptable undress of the culture.


I think that dresses and skirts are wonderfully feminine, and over the course of a year, I wear them more often than not, because I want to, and my husband prefers them, not because I have to.  A skirt or dress can be just as, if not more than, immodest if not chosen with a modest heart.  Like most things in our Christian walk, it comes down to the state of our heart.  If our heart is modest, and our thinking modest, our dress will reflect that.  If our husbands sometimes prefer a little more excitement in our dress, that can still be addressed with a modest heart, and agreement reached.

Our library contains a few books on modesty.  Here are a couple of them:

The Beauty of Modesty
Secret Keeper (aimed at teens)

We can cultivate a heart of modesty even while trying to please our spouses.   We can be lovely, attractive and well-dressed and still be modest.   Modest does not equal frumpy.  As Christians, there should be lines we won't cross with our wardrobes.  In general, we should have higher standards than the world sets, and a willingness to swim against the tide.

Blessings,
Debbie, Home at Serenity Springs