Coffee. It's one of the things we love to love. I have personally developed an increasing appreciation for the dark brew over the past several years. Just recently, I learned there are other things we can do with a pot of Joe or the grounds from that pot. Here are the most useful things from that list:
With the used grounds that can be saved for quite awhile in a container in case you need them:
1. Erase smells (onion, garlic, etc.) from your hands by rubbing them with used grounds
2. Compost them - they are considered "green" and a good nitrogen source and they reportedly attract worms, which is beneficial to your compost. Get a composter here
3. You can sprinkle damp grounds on your fireplace or wood stove ashes before scooping them out to reduce ash flying everywhere. This is definitely a negative of owning a wood stove for us. I have to dust the furniture in our living room all the time because of the floating ash particles.
4. Take a small handful of used grounds and rub on your face to exfoliate for free! The caffeine is also good for your face. It is an anti-inflammatory, which reduces facial flushing and also redness and puffiness around eyes. Find the article here
5. Repels ants. Sprinkle around your foundation and in your garden or greenhouse to reduce ant traffic. If sprinkled in your garden and greenhouse, it also keeps cats out. They hate the smell.
6. Fertilize acid-loving plants with the grounds or the cooled coffee
Find Acid-Loving Plants Here
List of Vegetable Plants that prefer slightly acidic soil click here
7. Use as a medium to grow mushrooms. This website has information on growing mushrooms with coffee grounds.
8. You can rub wet grounds on your pet outside after a bath or on dry fur to repel fleas. It also makes a marvelous deodorizer. Who doesn't love the smell of coffee??
9. The grounds also make the perfect addition for VERMICOMPOSTING
BREWED COFFEE can be used as a natural dye for fabric, paper, hair and eggs. Learn how to use it for darker, shinier hair.
STALE BEANS can be used as a lovely addition to the bottom of a vase before adding flowers.
I hope you have enjoyed reading about the different ways you can reuse coffee, grounds, and beans. It was a pleasurable eye-opener for this frugal, "trying to be more natural" mama who is always looking for better, more inexpensive ways to do things. I would love to hear your thoughts and ways you've used coffee or grounds that aren't on this list!
Debbie is Home at Serenity Springs
Life as the mother of four children and four grandchildren. Homeschooling the two still at home. Things that interest me - reading, herbs and essential oils, gardening, natural chemical-free living, and continually learning how to be a better wife.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
What's a Girl to Do?
Underground bunkers, radiation-resistant suits, 10 million gallon
water tanks. Most of us have seen or heard of examples of extreme paranoia,
prepping. We live on 13 acres, and have a mini-farm, and while we
certainly believe in being prepared, we don't have the time, money or
the (in)sanity to go all out. There are things that each of us can do,
regardless of where we live, that will help ensure our survival and/or
relative comfort when disaster or power outages or whatever else comes.
And they will come, in one form or another. I know it's hard to think
and prepare in advance for a lot of us, and easy to convince ourselves
everything will always be okay, but a little time invested in this
brings peace of mind knowing that you've done all you can or want to do
to help your family through hard times.
You could make up an emergency plastic tub or box and keep it somewhere fairly easy to access.
List 1 (Very Basic of Basics)
2. Extra Water (Especially if on city-water with no well or spring back-up) We are on a spring, but we have quite a bit extra stored in our cellar, because our spring occasionally freezes up or gets clogged with mud. We use empty vinegar and juice bottles to store our water.
3. Extra food Pre-packaged snacks that have a long shelf life, dry beans and rice for dinners (they have a shelf life of 20+ years if stored properly) and a way to cook them (camp stove, wood stove, gas grill), BPA-free canned goods (Kroger or organic). You could also buy vegetables and/or meat in bulk and learn to "can" them, or preserve them in jars. It's really not hard.
4. A way to stay warm if your heat goes out and you have no backup (fireplace, wood stove) If you can afford it, seriously consider quality sleeping bags that protect against very cold weather, and some kind of quality warm clothing that will help you stay warm. There's always the possibility that the electricity could be off for extended periods of time, even days or weeks if the grid ever goes out.
5. Extra diapers/baby supplies for those with babies just in case you can't get to the store
List 2 (Extended Preparation)
1. Oil Lamps, extra oil, and wicks for times of extended electricity outage We have used ours in the last month during an ice storm. Our electricity was out for an entire day and part of the night.
2. Generator This is on our "to get" list for 2014. I would like a way to at least keep our deep freeze and our hot-water heater running. I don't relish the idea of having to cook up all the meat in our freezer to save it, especially with no electricity for the stove. My sister got one with an electric start button backup, which I thought was nifty for women like me who don't enjoy yanking hard on cords to get things started. You can get a pretty good one in the $300-600 range. Find one here: http://amzn.to/1e1xRhi
3. Hand-Cranked Radio We SO used this during the last ice storm. Okay, so we just listened to Christmas music and football on it, but it has broadband, so we could stay informed during a disaster or very bad weather. It also has battery back-up. Definitely worth the investment. Here are some reasonably priced ones:
http://amzn.to/1e1xRhi
While these lists are definitely not all-inclusive, they do make for a very good start in being more prepared for whatever may come. I don't know about ya'll, but I've been feeling more and more like bad things could happen that we need to be prepared for. It's an uncertain world at best.
The last thing I would encourage everyone to do in one form or another is GROW YOUR OWN FOOD! Even if you never preserve or put up any extra, having it fresh in season is invaluable. So much healthier for you, especially if you use all-natural gardening techniques with no poisons. Things can be grown in raised beds, in pots on porches and decks, and even on a windowsill in your house. Some very nutritious herbs do well in pots inside (parsley, basil, cilantro, and more).
You could a very small amount each week and work toward building your emergency stash, and storing water is free. Make a list of things you would like to do to be prepared, and baby-step it along until you reach all your goals.
Hope this has helped someone be inspired to do something, big or small, towards making their family more prepared for emergency, bad weather, or other disaster.
You could budget as little as $10 a week and work on building your stash, and storing water is free. Hope this helps or encourages someone to go out and make your home a little more prepared for the future.
Monday, December 16, 2013
5 Ways to Improve Your Health and Life for the New Year - Part 1
Most of us royally fail at keeping resolutions for the new year, me included. But I have found that actually writing a list of positive changes I would like to make in my life, and then picking one to pray over and work on has actually worked to gradually improve my life.
I call it "Baby Steps", after one of our family's favorite all-time movies - "What About Bob?" Especially as I get older, I just can't accept living in a rut, doing and being the same way without making a concentrated effort to better myself, health-wise, spiritually, and intellectually.
As I learn about ways to live a more frugal, healthy, God-filled life, my heart becomes burdened for all of my friends and family with a desire for them to be able to make positive changes as well. That's what love does. It desires good things for those you love. Like God desires good things for us.
I write down my goals for the year in my journal, and also on a page in my budget book where I will see it often. I may also write down the goal I pick on a little piece of paper and tape it somewhere I can see it often, but not necessarily where every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the house can see it all the time. I haven't made my list for the coming year yet, but I have been pondering it, and will be sitting down soon to compose it. I don't call them resolutions, because I feel like it will be destined to fail if I do.
So, having said that, here are 5 positive changes we have made over the last year or couple years that I feel have helped us as individuals, and as a family:
1. We progressed from not buying white sugar at all, to buying unrefined sugar like Demerera or Sucanat, to switching entirely over to Pure Stevia, and occasionally honey for our sweetener. Even Amber and Josh have made this change. White sugar is what I call "death in a bag", and it had to go! It is easy to research the effects of white sugar on your health. There is nothing good about it. Even unrefined sugar causes your blood sugar to spike, which makes you gain weight and also promotes diabetes. We do indulge sometimes when we are away from home or eating out, but not too much, because it usually makes us feel icky. Once we stopped buying sugar, ways to cope with the change just happened naturally. Sugar cravings can be overcome!
2. Getting rid of our microwave. This was a little harder to get used to at first. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I would melt butter, pop popcorn (microwave popcorn is also "death in a bag"), or defrost frozen food. HAHA, I am sure my homestead ancestors were laughing at me from the other side. Once again, when the change was made, and we didn't have a choice, we adapted. Now it is like second nature, and we don't miss it at all. Microwaves kill the nutrients in your food, and you absorb the waves when it is on and you are standing close to it.
3. Not buying margarine, and rarely using food packaged in a can, even if it is BPA-free. Margarine is basically one molecule away from plastic, and is more or less a non-food in composition. Deadly for your health. It had to go. Kroger- brand canned food are supposed to be BPA-free (BPA is an industrial chemical used to make plastic), and some organic brands say BPA-free, but that doesn't change the fact that most of the food in cans is already over-processed, nutrient-deficient, and probably has preservatives added that aren't good for health. It does require some extra preparation to go can-free, but even a reduction in their use would help. The closer to raw that you can eat your fruits and vegetables, the better. We keep lots and lots of produce available to use for cooking and eating raw. The expense is still WAY cheaper than doctor's visits and prescriptions, and better than getting as sick in the first place.
4. Drastically reducing our TV time. We have one old television in our house. It has been years since we had satellite or cable. We progressed from the whole shebang to the Christian programming provided by Dish called Sky-Angel (This was before we moved 3 years ago). When our "life-long" subscription became obsolete due to technology upgrades, we ditched it all. We are not completely anti-media. We have decent movies and series that we like. We watch them on the Clear-play (clearplay.com) DVD player that Amber saved up for and bought. You can set the level of filter you want. We have it set to filter out all profanity (it even filters out "Oh my God", which makes us happy), all sex scenes, and some of the gorier violence. I can't tell you the cleansing effect on our spirits to not always have JUNK of one kind or another entering our ears, minds, and eyes. I WANT to be sensitized. I have been de-sensitized, and I didn't like it. TV crap offends me, and I don't want it not to. We also listen to (on our Sirius) and watch football when we are at my mom's or brother's house. We don't prefer most commercials, or scantily-dressed cheerleaders, so we usually switch it to something decent in between. If there isn't anything on, we mute it during commercials. We don't mind missing award shows and other things like that where we KNOW the envelope will be pushed and we will see things that don't need to be viewed. We were quite addicted to media at one time, and now we aren't, so I know it can be done. Any baby steps for improvement in this area would definitely be beneficial, and you will notice the difference in your mind and spirit as well.
5. Still working on this one. We have chosen to live a frugal, sustainable, minimal lifestyle. We went from home ownership of a 2100 sq foot home in town with porches, decks, hot tub, pool, fenced 1/2 acre yard, and tons of closets to non-home ownership (it is my mother-in-law's house, she now lives with her daughter) of a country home that it probably 1200 square feet or less. It had one closet when we moved in; it now has two. Amber's room is in the attic in true American Girl fashion. She likes it there. We had to reduce to fit our stuff in the home. We have done it several times since. If we have clothes or shoes that aren't worn much or at all, they go. Just last week, in an effort to reduce again, I went through my kitchen cabinets and packed away more plates, cups, coffee cups, and other items that we had too many of. The kids can pick what they want when they leave home. A lot of things end up going to the thrift store when we reduce. I am developing an intense dislike for clutter of all kinds, and happily sort through things to get rid of, or save for the kids. This is good, because we have little room for knick-knacks, and I hate dusting them anyway. I like not being attached to material possessions, although this doesn't apply to my Kindle. HAHA. Reading is a life-long passion that helped replace TV time long ago. The simple life is for us.
I sincerely hope that some of the changes we have been able to make over the last few years can help someone in some small way. There are more changes for us in the future, and we will baby step along toward them as well. Here's to improved health and happiness!
I call it "Baby Steps", after one of our family's favorite all-time movies - "What About Bob?" Especially as I get older, I just can't accept living in a rut, doing and being the same way without making a concentrated effort to better myself, health-wise, spiritually, and intellectually.
As I learn about ways to live a more frugal, healthy, God-filled life, my heart becomes burdened for all of my friends and family with a desire for them to be able to make positive changes as well. That's what love does. It desires good things for those you love. Like God desires good things for us.
I write down my goals for the year in my journal, and also on a page in my budget book where I will see it often. I may also write down the goal I pick on a little piece of paper and tape it somewhere I can see it often, but not necessarily where every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the house can see it all the time. I haven't made my list for the coming year yet, but I have been pondering it, and will be sitting down soon to compose it. I don't call them resolutions, because I feel like it will be destined to fail if I do.
So, having said that, here are 5 positive changes we have made over the last year or couple years that I feel have helped us as individuals, and as a family:
1. We progressed from not buying white sugar at all, to buying unrefined sugar like Demerera or Sucanat, to switching entirely over to Pure Stevia, and occasionally honey for our sweetener. Even Amber and Josh have made this change. White sugar is what I call "death in a bag", and it had to go! It is easy to research the effects of white sugar on your health. There is nothing good about it. Even unrefined sugar causes your blood sugar to spike, which makes you gain weight and also promotes diabetes. We do indulge sometimes when we are away from home or eating out, but not too much, because it usually makes us feel icky. Once we stopped buying sugar, ways to cope with the change just happened naturally. Sugar cravings can be overcome!
2. Getting rid of our microwave. This was a little harder to get used to at first. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I would melt butter, pop popcorn (microwave popcorn is also "death in a bag"), or defrost frozen food. HAHA, I am sure my homestead ancestors were laughing at me from the other side. Once again, when the change was made, and we didn't have a choice, we adapted. Now it is like second nature, and we don't miss it at all. Microwaves kill the nutrients in your food, and you absorb the waves when it is on and you are standing close to it.
3. Not buying margarine, and rarely using food packaged in a can, even if it is BPA-free. Margarine is basically one molecule away from plastic, and is more or less a non-food in composition. Deadly for your health. It had to go. Kroger- brand canned food are supposed to be BPA-free (BPA is an industrial chemical used to make plastic), and some organic brands say BPA-free, but that doesn't change the fact that most of the food in cans is already over-processed, nutrient-deficient, and probably has preservatives added that aren't good for health. It does require some extra preparation to go can-free, but even a reduction in their use would help. The closer to raw that you can eat your fruits and vegetables, the better. We keep lots and lots of produce available to use for cooking and eating raw. The expense is still WAY cheaper than doctor's visits and prescriptions, and better than getting as sick in the first place.
4. Drastically reducing our TV time. We have one old television in our house. It has been years since we had satellite or cable. We progressed from the whole shebang to the Christian programming provided by Dish called Sky-Angel (This was before we moved 3 years ago). When our "life-long" subscription became obsolete due to technology upgrades, we ditched it all. We are not completely anti-media. We have decent movies and series that we like. We watch them on the Clear-play (clearplay.com) DVD player that Amber saved up for and bought. You can set the level of filter you want. We have it set to filter out all profanity (it even filters out "Oh my God", which makes us happy), all sex scenes, and some of the gorier violence. I can't tell you the cleansing effect on our spirits to not always have JUNK of one kind or another entering our ears, minds, and eyes. I WANT to be sensitized. I have been de-sensitized, and I didn't like it. TV crap offends me, and I don't want it not to. We also listen to (on our Sirius) and watch football when we are at my mom's or brother's house. We don't prefer most commercials, or scantily-dressed cheerleaders, so we usually switch it to something decent in between. If there isn't anything on, we mute it during commercials. We don't mind missing award shows and other things like that where we KNOW the envelope will be pushed and we will see things that don't need to be viewed. We were quite addicted to media at one time, and now we aren't, so I know it can be done. Any baby steps for improvement in this area would definitely be beneficial, and you will notice the difference in your mind and spirit as well.
5. Still working on this one. We have chosen to live a frugal, sustainable, minimal lifestyle. We went from home ownership of a 2100 sq foot home in town with porches, decks, hot tub, pool, fenced 1/2 acre yard, and tons of closets to non-home ownership (it is my mother-in-law's house, she now lives with her daughter) of a country home that it probably 1200 square feet or less. It had one closet when we moved in; it now has two. Amber's room is in the attic in true American Girl fashion. She likes it there. We had to reduce to fit our stuff in the home. We have done it several times since. If we have clothes or shoes that aren't worn much or at all, they go. Just last week, in an effort to reduce again, I went through my kitchen cabinets and packed away more plates, cups, coffee cups, and other items that we had too many of. The kids can pick what they want when they leave home. A lot of things end up going to the thrift store when we reduce. I am developing an intense dislike for clutter of all kinds, and happily sort through things to get rid of, or save for the kids. This is good, because we have little room for knick-knacks, and I hate dusting them anyway. I like not being attached to material possessions, although this doesn't apply to my Kindle. HAHA. Reading is a life-long passion that helped replace TV time long ago. The simple life is for us.
I sincerely hope that some of the changes we have been able to make over the last few years can help someone in some small way. There are more changes for us in the future, and we will baby step along toward them as well. Here's to improved health and happiness!
Monday, November 18, 2013
How You May Be "Stimulating" the Child Porn Industry
This is a troubling blog for me to write. Troubling because I don't understand why some parents do what they do, or why some parents seem to not have a clue about the world in which we live. Even given the differences in parenting styles and preferences, which I understand and embrace, I don't get it.
This is what I don't understand; With the increase of pedophilia, even to the point of the APA labeling it a lifestyle choice and not an aberration, with so many sexual perverts lurking EVERYWHERE, male and female, why do parents still dress their daughters, from birth up, in mini-skirts, micro-outfits, sexualized cheerleading outfits, teeny-tiny gymnastic sexy sparkles, Daisy Dukes and wanna-be whore outfits?
Is that how we see our girls, our precious princesses? Should we just go ahead and shave their heads and stick them on a wrecking ball of their own? Hey, that would be a cute theme for a preschool birthday party - Miley Mini Me. Come in your birthday suit. (I almost felt like Matt Walsh for a moment)
Seriously, if anyone reads the news at all, the perverts are literally in every institution, at every sports venue, at Christian retreats and in churches, Sunday Schools, daycare, nursery, the neighbor, mailman, your little girl's friend's dad - the list is endless. So WHY, oh WHY do we want to flash our cute toddler's thighs, or preschooler's hiney, or any part of whatever age our precious daughters are? Those child perverts are out there; they are where our daughters are. And they are lusting and getting their jollies from our stupidity in sexualizing what doesn't need to be sexualized.
I hope that if the majority of parents actually pictured this scenario, which is quite realistic, that it would make us sick enough to STOP and figure out how to go about redressing our children so that we are not feeding this industry. Because after these perverts drool over our daughters in their state of undress, they go home, and if we're lucky all they do is get on their computer with their sickness. But more and more, that luck is running out, and these predators are acting out their sick fantasies on....our daughters, their daughters, somebody's daughters.
The days of being cute in the Brady Bunch way are over. It has nothing to do with religion, or being conservative, or being judgmental, or picky. It has to do with, unless you are a real pimp, getting paid real money to market your product, we don't need to market our daughters as the next Miley - the next twerking, undressed, out of control sex kitten. Their bodies are sacred. They should be presented as the lovely creations of God that they are. We shouldn't want to feed the imaginations of those who find them more attractive then grown women. Who would literally "bed" our daughters if they could get away with it.
I see pictures posted of these precious girls - in all their sexy gymnastic outfits, cheerleading get-ups, toddler bikinis, short skirts and low cut tops - already sporting "come get me" smiles with their hips thrust out to the side. It makes me sad. I see their beauty - absolute feminine loveliness. And it makes me sad. Because I know that there is someone else, right at that moment, looking at the same picture, or one like it, or something a lot not like it but a lot darker, and that person doesn't see a child, an innocent to be treasured. He sees an object, a fascinating, sexy, object that turns him on. And I refuse to feed that industry. I don't care how different it makes me. My daughters are too precious for that. My granddaughter is too precious for that. They are ALL too precious for that.
This is what I don't understand; With the increase of pedophilia, even to the point of the APA labeling it a lifestyle choice and not an aberration, with so many sexual perverts lurking EVERYWHERE, male and female, why do parents still dress their daughters, from birth up, in mini-skirts, micro-outfits, sexualized cheerleading outfits, teeny-tiny gymnastic sexy sparkles, Daisy Dukes and wanna-be whore outfits?
Is that how we see our girls, our precious princesses? Should we just go ahead and shave their heads and stick them on a wrecking ball of their own? Hey, that would be a cute theme for a preschool birthday party - Miley Mini Me. Come in your birthday suit. (I almost felt like Matt Walsh for a moment)
Seriously, if anyone reads the news at all, the perverts are literally in every institution, at every sports venue, at Christian retreats and in churches, Sunday Schools, daycare, nursery, the neighbor, mailman, your little girl's friend's dad - the list is endless. So WHY, oh WHY do we want to flash our cute toddler's thighs, or preschooler's hiney, or any part of whatever age our precious daughters are? Those child perverts are out there; they are where our daughters are. And they are lusting and getting their jollies from our stupidity in sexualizing what doesn't need to be sexualized.
I hope that if the majority of parents actually pictured this scenario, which is quite realistic, that it would make us sick enough to STOP and figure out how to go about redressing our children so that we are not feeding this industry. Because after these perverts drool over our daughters in their state of undress, they go home, and if we're lucky all they do is get on their computer with their sickness. But more and more, that luck is running out, and these predators are acting out their sick fantasies on....our daughters, their daughters, somebody's daughters.
The days of being cute in the Brady Bunch way are over. It has nothing to do with religion, or being conservative, or being judgmental, or picky. It has to do with, unless you are a real pimp, getting paid real money to market your product, we don't need to market our daughters as the next Miley - the next twerking, undressed, out of control sex kitten. Their bodies are sacred. They should be presented as the lovely creations of God that they are. We shouldn't want to feed the imaginations of those who find them more attractive then grown women. Who would literally "bed" our daughters if they could get away with it.
I see pictures posted of these precious girls - in all their sexy gymnastic outfits, cheerleading get-ups, toddler bikinis, short skirts and low cut tops - already sporting "come get me" smiles with their hips thrust out to the side. It makes me sad. I see their beauty - absolute feminine loveliness. And it makes me sad. Because I know that there is someone else, right at that moment, looking at the same picture, or one like it, or something a lot not like it but a lot darker, and that person doesn't see a child, an innocent to be treasured. He sees an object, a fascinating, sexy, object that turns him on. And I refuse to feed that industry. I don't care how different it makes me. My daughters are too precious for that. My granddaughter is too precious for that. They are ALL too precious for that.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Our Ozark Shindig Trip: Part 2 For Women - Your marriage: Fueling the Fire - Caliente
One of the seminars we attended while at the Second Annual Shindig by No Greater Joy (nogreaterjoy.org) was given by Nathan Pearl, grown son of Michael and Debi Pearl, who started the ministry. He is married to a lovely lady, Zephyr, and they have worked hard at having a happy marriage, with wisdom taught to him by his mother and father, and by watching them love each other all of his life.
Our marriages are a fire, some burning bright, and some barely smoldering. How hot that fire is depends on the quantity and type of "sticks" that we add to that fire. There are so many unhealthy attitudes that are dominant in this world regarding how we should conduct ourselves in our marriages, one of them being that we are only responsible for correct behavior if our spouses are also conducting themselves properly. For Christians, this attitude cannot be backed up with ANYTHING in scripture. We are to treat others (especially our spouses) with love and kindness regardless of their behavior towards us (with the exception of abuse, in which case we should flee to safety and report our spouses).
I have found in my own marriage that there is great satisfaction in doing the right thing, as unto the Lord, regardless if my husband is meeting my every need (which husbands never will, that is Jesus' job), or not. I have actually been practicing Nathan's "fueling the fire" for quite a few years, without making the connection to that particular analogy.
So, we can add a "desire" stick to the fire by dressing attractively and in a way that our husbands prefer. The best way to find this out is to either let your husband pick out your outfit (and wear it without complaining) for your dates, or ask him what his favorite outfits are and wear them often. Why on Earth would I want to dress in a way that pleases myself if the love of my life doesn't even like seeing it on me? When I am around him, I want his eyes to find pleasure in what they see. I can also add a "desire" stick to our fire by lavishing physical affection on him, every day, and often. This doesn't have to mean sex every time. Loving or heat-filled looks, a touch as we pass, and lots of kisses throughout the day are also ways to fuel his fire. There are very few men that don't desire this, and we are just the gals to give it to him, and fill that need. We don't want to leave them with unfulfilled needs because that's when temptation can rear its ugly head. I can also style and wear my hair the way that he likes. I only have to look at it in the mirror on occasion; he has to see it all the time when he is around me, and I want it to please him. Again, if he likes it rather long, and I don't care about that and have it all cut off, I am setting myself up to have a long-haired lady catch his eye. We should be all that he desires to the best of our abilities.
If you have been indoctrinated with feminism, you will be highly offended at the previous paragraph. That's okay, because my mother raised me with a bit of those ideals as well, and I have overcome them with God's help. We should be humble enough in our marriages to fuel the fire with some effort to please our husbands. Should they want to please us as well? Sure. But that has nothing to do with us doing the right thing. In Debi Pearl's book, "Created to Be His Help Meet", there was testimony after testimony of women who followed this advice of doing the right thing regardless of the behavior of their husbands, and over time almost all of them saw a change in their husbands as they responded to the proper behavior of their wives.
By the same measure, we can throw very wet, fire-killing sticks on our fire. Anger, bitterness, nagging, complaining, laziness, slothful appearance, and neglect can dampen the fire of our marriage. God wants that fire to burn HOT! He wants our sex lives to be good; He wants it all to be good. Even when times are hard, the flame can burn high and bright. It is worth the effort, trust me. I am a former bossy, independent, unsubmissive almost feminist. Now, years later, and with intentional effort, our fire gets hotter all the time.
Thank you, Nathan, for the fire analogy. I will never forget it.
Our marriages are a fire, some burning bright, and some barely smoldering. How hot that fire is depends on the quantity and type of "sticks" that we add to that fire. There are so many unhealthy attitudes that are dominant in this world regarding how we should conduct ourselves in our marriages, one of them being that we are only responsible for correct behavior if our spouses are also conducting themselves properly. For Christians, this attitude cannot be backed up with ANYTHING in scripture. We are to treat others (especially our spouses) with love and kindness regardless of their behavior towards us (with the exception of abuse, in which case we should flee to safety and report our spouses).
I have found in my own marriage that there is great satisfaction in doing the right thing, as unto the Lord, regardless if my husband is meeting my every need (which husbands never will, that is Jesus' job), or not. I have actually been practicing Nathan's "fueling the fire" for quite a few years, without making the connection to that particular analogy.
So, we can add a "desire" stick to the fire by dressing attractively and in a way that our husbands prefer. The best way to find this out is to either let your husband pick out your outfit (and wear it without complaining) for your dates, or ask him what his favorite outfits are and wear them often. Why on Earth would I want to dress in a way that pleases myself if the love of my life doesn't even like seeing it on me? When I am around him, I want his eyes to find pleasure in what they see. I can also add a "desire" stick to our fire by lavishing physical affection on him, every day, and often. This doesn't have to mean sex every time. Loving or heat-filled looks, a touch as we pass, and lots of kisses throughout the day are also ways to fuel his fire. There are very few men that don't desire this, and we are just the gals to give it to him, and fill that need. We don't want to leave them with unfulfilled needs because that's when temptation can rear its ugly head. I can also style and wear my hair the way that he likes. I only have to look at it in the mirror on occasion; he has to see it all the time when he is around me, and I want it to please him. Again, if he likes it rather long, and I don't care about that and have it all cut off, I am setting myself up to have a long-haired lady catch his eye. We should be all that he desires to the best of our abilities.
If you have been indoctrinated with feminism, you will be highly offended at the previous paragraph. That's okay, because my mother raised me with a bit of those ideals as well, and I have overcome them with God's help. We should be humble enough in our marriages to fuel the fire with some effort to please our husbands. Should they want to please us as well? Sure. But that has nothing to do with us doing the right thing. In Debi Pearl's book, "Created to Be His Help Meet", there was testimony after testimony of women who followed this advice of doing the right thing regardless of the behavior of their husbands, and over time almost all of them saw a change in their husbands as they responded to the proper behavior of their wives.
By the same measure, we can throw very wet, fire-killing sticks on our fire. Anger, bitterness, nagging, complaining, laziness, slothful appearance, and neglect can dampen the fire of our marriage. God wants that fire to burn HOT! He wants our sex lives to be good; He wants it all to be good. Even when times are hard, the flame can burn high and bright. It is worth the effort, trust me. I am a former bossy, independent, unsubmissive almost feminist. Now, years later, and with intentional effort, our fire gets hotter all the time.
Thank you, Nathan, for the fire analogy. I will never forget it.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Our Trip to the Ozarks: Part 1
Our family, minus Josh, who stayed home to take care of the chickens, dogs, and chores, went to the Second Annual Shindig, hosted by No Greater Joy Ministries (nogreaterjoy.org). This was a 3-day conference full of fellowship with like-minded believers, teaching sessions on family-related matters, and plenty of opportunities for the girls to meet new friends. I plan to blog about some of the teachings that were covered in the seminars.
We have studied and listened to Michael Pearl's teachings for years, and there are few scholars we have found that we trust as much as him. The reason for this is that he teaches the Bible, verse by verse, without adding his "opinion of interpretation". He doesn't think of "topics" to preach about to keep his audience enraptured; he faithfully preaches the Word of God, and trusts that it is enough (which it is). (We also like Alister Begg, who also does expository teaching, Nancy Leigh DeMoss for her faithful ministry to teach Godly Womanhood, and Ravi Zacharias).
Anyway, we stayed at the Windemere Resort in Roach, MO, a very small town with basically only a post office. It
was only around $45 per night for our economy cabin, which had everything we needed to house us comfortably. The other
thing that impressed me was that the meal tickets for the cafeteria were only $5 per person, per meal. These meals were
very well made (including pot roast with the fixings, pork loin, pasta and fixings), and each meal also had a salad bar and a dessert available. Two thousand people attended the conference, so the only setback was the long lines, but it really didn't take overly long to get your meal.
An interesting statistic comparing the two years of the Shindig is family size. The average family size last year was 5.4 and this year it was 6.9. I LOVED seeing the large families and well-behaved, well-trained children (mostly). These families are undeniable proof that correctly instituted biblical child-training works.
They had fellowship and games planned each night for the two groups of teens: those under 18, and those over 18. Last year they had 6 marriages of young people result from these supervised gatherings! Most of you know that we don't
like the usual method of dating, which almost invariably leads to premarital sex, but we REALLY enjoyed this idea of Godly young men and women getting to know each other in a group setting. Last year's marriage statistics proved it can work! As I have said before, anyone can date and hop from person to person from a young age, but it takes a special heart for God to wait until you are old enough to get married, and then see who God might have in mind for you.
Next I hope to share what we learned at some of the classes, so until next time....
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